As I’ve mentioned before, I am so fed up with not doing anything with my life. I’m managing my symptoms well, have my seizures down to every 2 months or so (the one yesterday being a bit of an exception; I discovered overheating can trigger them too). I generally know my limits and I know when I can and can’t push them.

Sometimes I weigh up whether or not doing something is worth the backlash my brain is going to give. I’ve been doing that a lot more recently, pushing right to the edge because I’m going out of my mind being kind of well but not able to do anything to threaten that.

I also mentioned in my last quick post that I was looking at jobs. I wanted to see if I could find something that was maybe 10 hours a week, a couple of 5 hour days in an office or something like that. I soon came to realise that jobs like that rarely come up. An employer wants someone who can do overtime and cover for people if they’re sick. They want someone reliable, and that’s not me.

When I thought about maybe committing to more hours, I remember working when FND first appeared in my life. The thought of letting people down at short notice makes me feel sick; it happened a lot before I handed in my notice for the 3 jobs I was holding down and loving… I just couldn’t do them any more.

I want to get back to work, and I will eventually; but maybe now isn’t the right time. I don’t want to push myself too much, end up back in the downwards spiral that I’ve somehow managed to redirect upwards of the last year or so. I can manage at the moment, and I will get there. I just need to take it slow, think things through and be realistic.

Speaking about thinking things through… I’ve wanted to get a dog to add to our family for some time. Initially I was set on a dachshund, but being the owner of a wire-haired pointer and a griffon korthal, it really isn’t a very good idea, as a dachshund is about the size of their heads. The poor thing would be trampled as our dogs like to play rough.

I started looking into smaller breeds than Mina and Galaxy, but big enough that he could easily join in with their boisterous play. And he would have to be a he. Although Mina has taken a back seat since we adopted Gally, they are both dominant bitches and adding another girl to the equation would be a disaster waiting to happen.

The beagle stood out to me: friendly nature with other pets and humans, energetic, not too big and not too small. I got researching and fell in love with the kind nature and inquisitive mind of the beagle, and so I looked for a local kennel club breeder. There were a couple, but there was one just around the corner. I e-mailed to see if she was planning on having a litter at the end of this year. It turned out that she’d just sold the last pup of the current litter, and was due another one from one of her other dogs in 5 weeks time; she said she’d put me on a waiting list and let me know if she had any dogs in 5 weeks.

The next day she messages to tell me that someone has messed her about and she has a dog available. Slightly shocked and excited at the same time, my Mum, Grandma and I went to go and see the pup and talk to the breeder.

She was extremely helpful, bred show dogs for herself and sold off the ones she wasn’t keeping as pets. We met the mum and the dad, and had snuggles with the little boy which was absolutely fatal.

I picked him up on Monday.

I know owning a puppy is going to be challenging. I’ve got a lot of help at home, and so far I’ve been doing good making sure I’m managing my sleep and how much I’m doing. I did have a seizure after a trip to the vets yesterday, but I’m almost certain that’s because I overheated. I have never been so hot in my life. I’ve been drinking plenty, making sure I eat small amounts as I can’t eat a lot when it’s this hot without feeling ill. It was a little set back, and I bounced back pretty well… better than I was expecting to.

I’m going to make the most of puppy nap time, get another post out soon and introduce you to the little man. Speak to you soon.